It’s a new year and along with everyone else in this crazy world, I believe that this is my year for some change. After thinking long and hard of all of the classic cliché resolutions that I could think of, I settled on a couple of things that I felt would best help me to grow creatively and also help me work towards getting out of the cell block cubicle which is my work life. I mean what could go wrong….

If I fail (and that's a big IF), I will only be right back to square one, sitting here in the same position, slouched over the dark corner of my computer desk as this anxiety sets in and the mad rush of thoughts come together to help me find the best way to get out of my dire circumstances. So, though I may be doomed for failure, with a 0-10 record as of December 31 2010, I am aiming for the following:

1. Photography

Blah blah everyone wants to be a photographer blah. Yes, I do enjoy my handy camera though I don't use it as much as I would like to. I am currently relegated to shooting the shit out of family gatherings and chasing down a soon to be 2 year old who does not understand the concept of stillness. So this year I am going to force myself to do more foot work and get out with my camera in hand to shoot the sh!t out of this city. If all else fails I could fall in to the category of being a creep or the typical Asian tourist and if you’re lucky I might even throw in a little accent in there to play the role up.

2. Writing

Let me take the time to break down the number of post that I have put down since inception.

12 post in 3 years, hmm lets divide.

That’s one every few, let’s say two of them were due.

One was so so, the other was my first post.

That’s 1 post every 3 month average.

Man that’s so lame.

So that should sum up why I’m back on the website. It’s not like I had much readers to begin with and I really don’t have much to say besides my ‘one and every few’ thoughtful post, but this is the year of change and progression. So let’s see how far this goes.

3. Patience/Passion

This will probably be the hardest thing for me to develop because I have absolutely no patience. But to pursue some of these passions I have built up inside of me, I’m going to need a lot of patience. I still have no learned the concept of patience and it has affected me in various parts of my life. For me the lack of patience only brings about anxiety and forces me to give up on things too soon. So for me to turn this new leaf I need patience.

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Jack's Mannequin - Holiday From Real.



Life Changing Decisions.

How do you come to the conclusion that the decisions you make are for the best.

Does it just click? Does it automatically come to you?

And when you do make these type of decisions, do you wonder what the ramifications may be; especially on how it will effect those that we hold closest to our hearts.

It could be something wonderful, when mutual goals are laid out and met.

But it could also be something horrible.

Sometimes it's hard to accept the fact that the decisions that we make can completely change our views on people, especially those that we care about the most.

We will just have to wait and see.

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As of April 3rd 2010, I am a happily, engaged man.

Engaged.

It still sounds weird coming off my tongue but its growing on me.

These past two weeks have been filled with offers of congratulations from family and friends, some more surprised than others but all happy for us.

We have also taken the time to bask in the thought that we are indeed engaged.

Still need a little time to get use to.

Not that, I'm nervous about whats to come. I'm actually looking forward to it all. Ever since I popped down onto one knee, A sense of calmness has taken its hold on me. I can honestly say that I am completely at ease with every aspect of my life, even though this is not where I pictured myself to be.

This was not in the plans.

Flashback to me two years ago and I would have been telling you that the idea or thought of being engaged at this age is just plain crazy talk. I was fresh out of school and ready to take this world by storm, one city at a time.

But here I am, reflecting on the events that have transpired over the past month.

Or even,

my growth over the past 3 years since I have left college.

To think about it, never in a million years would I have been able to predict that at the tender age of 25, I would be considering spending my life with just one woman.

Sh!tttttt…..

I was still getting use to the idea of being on my own and fending for myself in this brave new world of independence.

I had a rough draft of a plan for my future.

1. Travel the world, starting with South Korea.
2. After two years, come back to the states and travel from state to state.
3. Eventually settle in California.
4. Open up my café by the beach and enjoy the simpler life.

Nowhere in this list did the words “get married” fit in the picture. To think about it, I considered marriage out of the question for a while because I was just so caught up with the life I was living and enjoying the company of the people (women) that I was meeting along the way.

Not to say that I was sleeping around with a different girl every day of the week, but I was enjoying the opportunity of meeting new people in a new city.

But then it happened.

We were both in the same Salsa class and one of the things that they had us do was have the guys dance with each girl for about a minute than switch partners. Its like a carousel of swinging bodies.

This enabled everyone to practice and get familiar with dancing with different partners. Because, if you have ever tried Salsa, you would know that everybody has their own little variation of footwork.

But I digress.

Every time that I reached her as my dance partner, I would try to do something goofy to get a smile on her face.

And boy was I rewarded because she had one of the most beautiful smiles I have ever seen.

So from that point on, I tried my best to get her to crack a smile in hopes that she would feel more comfortable dancing with me. That’s when I knew I had a chance to possibly take her out on a date.

It’s funny, because when i think back to the days we first met, I also remember the very words that my co worker told me one night as we were leaving class.

-Side Story-
I was introduced to this Salsa class by one of my co-workers, we will just call her J, who was also in the class. We would car pool together since we lived in the same part of town. She was, how can I say this as nicely as I can, very fake. I mean she was nice when she wanted to be but she can also be very irritable. But being that I was new in town and didn’t know too many people I figured this gave me a chance to pursue something that I have always wanted to do.
-End-

I was talking to my future wife (she didn’t know it at the time!) after class and right when there was an open to swap information I froze up. Man I felt like a fool. I don’t know what happened but all I remembered was that I fumbled the ball before I was able to score the game winning touchdown. I just got caught up with my words and eventually nothing came out.

As embarrassed as I was, I trotted back to where J was and told her that I could have gotten her number but froze up.

The next sentence caught me off guard.

“There is no way that you could get with her”

I was taken aback by that statement, but I wasn’t going to let her knock me off of this cloud that I was on. I was a man on a mission and I knew what I had to do the next time I saw her. I knew that there was an attraction between us and I was determined not to let the moment pass us by again.

Too bad it was around Christmas time and I was off to New York for a couple of weeks. After being away for about a month, I had no idea if she would continue with the class. But fate, as you know it, was just setting up the pieces. There she was, with that infectious smile of hers, and before I knew it she had me cheesin' away, like I was back in grade school.

We still had some time before class so I approached her determined to make amends from my previous attempts. Conversation started off smoothly as we discuss winter break which eventually leading to us setting up a meet up at a local salsa club. We exchanged information and decided on meeting up with each other later on that week. From there it led to us planning to have an official date and the rest became history…..

Obviously, I have been feeling a bit nostalgic recently between the distance we had to endure and overcome the regular wear and tear that all couples go through. I mean we have had our fair share of hiccups within our relationship. But for every dark day that we underwent, there was a bright future not too far ahead.

I know it may be foolish for me to believe that fate had her hand in bringing us together, but it’s hard for me to think otherwise based on the circumstances that brought us together and kept us strong.

The one thing I do know though is that no matter what you plan for yourself, whether its that career that you have been pursuing your entire life or personal goals that you strive to reach, you may wake up one day and realize that all your plans that you have set forth was just a rough draft of your life and the revisions, whether good or bad, is inevitable. Change is part of life. Whether we like it or not, whether we can cope with it or not, whether we thrive on it or not.

Change is here to stay.

I know that in the short time that I have been living here there have been many revisions to my life but the one thing I do now is that…..

My girlfriend is officially now my fiancée and sooner or later will become my wife. Now that…..

is something I can adhere to.

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So I took the biggest leap of faith yesterday.

I felt I was ready, but never have I ever felt so scared to go through with something in my life.

Let me rephrase this,

Rather,

It was nervousness over the fact that I have finally reached this stage in my life.

I mean...

The day started like any other Friday that I am off.

Sleeping in as I catch up on all the missed hours of sleep from the week.

Jogging 3 miles at Memorial Park here in Houston.

But today was going to be a little different.

A thought that I have been carrying around with me for the past couple of months was forcefully pushing itself to the surface of my mind.

It wasn't until this past week that I realized that I was ready to take this step.

Prior to my epiphany, I have been agonizing over this decision.

'Is this the right time'

'Am I rushing things'

'Am I to young to be making decisions like this'

Thoughts just kept swirling around my head and the problems that I was having with the rest of my life didn't help.

It got to the point that I was pushing my girlfriend away in hopes that it might make this decision easier.

But she stuck with me.

I mean it was never a questions in how much I love the girl, but rather, if she honestly felt the same way.

But I have known all along the extent of her love.

I digressed a bit.

So I went to the local mall to pick up some cleaning supplies for my apartment.

But,

this wasn't my true intentions.

My heart was beating a mile a minute as I got to the destication I intended for.

Since this wasn't the first time, I knew exactl what I was looking for.

'How much is this again'

I definitely didn't forget about that part of this arrangement.

But from all of this, the outcome is.....

This is a big step in my life and for some reason, though there are some things that I haven't figured out, all I know is that I want her riding shotgun along this crazy ride.

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